I've been reading Dear Abby, something I tend to avoid....
There's people who believe that pennies they find on the ground are from their dead loved ones, and you know. I don't judge. I think that losing a loved one is one of the hardest parts about life. I still feel ripped apart from my Grandma's death last June on what would have been her 89th birthday. But I couldn't imagine her or my Grandpa dropping pennies down on me. Gramps was too much of a skinflint for it, and I'm pretty sure Grams would want to drop down more than just a penny.
Shortly after Grams' death, a friend of my Auntie's went to see her. This friend is a psychic, and told Auntie that she saw Grams! In heaven! And there was a man with really thick white hair, and she was reunited with him, and she was really happy!
Auntie, who has the dry, acerbic, sarcastic sense of humor that the rest of my family has, said, "Well, if she was happy, I don't know...but if they were quarrelling, that really sounds like my dad."
Oddly enough, that did give me comfort. Both the fact that this psychic saw Grams reunited with Gramps, and that my Aunt wasn't about to fawn over a woman who more than likely saw my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary photo (we all have a copy), which showed Gramps and his healthy, thick, beautiful white hair.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
No Farms No Food
I saw the above on a car bumper sticker tonight on my way to school. It would have been better if underneath, it had read, "Know Farms, Know Food." Of course, it would have been equally awesome if someone had thought to put a comma on there somewhere.
My friend A is getting along really well with her boyfriend, and I am even more optimistic about their marriage than I was at the beginning. I was out to dinner with them a few weeks ago, and we were talking about tests. I mentioned that my algebra teacher last semester said that women should choose their first instinct when it came to an answer that they weren't sure about, and that men should always go with their second choice. P said, "Oh, that works for me and A." I was all, "Buh?" and he explained that since he's been married once, that would make A his second choice, and he would be A's first choice. I tried my hardest to not smile at A like, "Yes! I knew we'd been watching Say Yes To The Dress marathons for a reason!" but I think I gave myself away.
I'm totally going to buy her the new Miss Manners book on how to have a proper wedding. I'll give it to her when P isn't around, though. Don't want to freak him out too much.
My friend A is getting along really well with her boyfriend, and I am even more optimistic about their marriage than I was at the beginning. I was out to dinner with them a few weeks ago, and we were talking about tests. I mentioned that my algebra teacher last semester said that women should choose their first instinct when it came to an answer that they weren't sure about, and that men should always go with their second choice. P said, "Oh, that works for me and A." I was all, "Buh?" and he explained that since he's been married once, that would make A his second choice, and he would be A's first choice. I tried my hardest to not smile at A like, "Yes! I knew we'd been watching Say Yes To The Dress marathons for a reason!" but I think I gave myself away.
I'm totally going to buy her the new Miss Manners book on how to have a proper wedding. I'll give it to her when P isn't around, though. Don't want to freak him out too much.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
On becoming an activist
I really dislike the idea of someone or something being helpless. When I first found out that people hurt animals, I decided that I needed to do something about it. When I realized that children and elders were treated the same way, I knew that it would be wrong to not help. Now it's my own family member who is threatened, and I'm not about to let her go down.
My mom, however, is determined to help herself, and it's sort of awesome.
I mean, it's not that she's not paralyzed with depression at times, but for the most part, she's plugging along really well. She called the Governor's office, and Barbara Boxer's office. Schwartzeneger's office had someone call her back and record what happened, and Boxer's office has been in contact, wanting to also get a formal statement, and also to get her account numbers and other information. It's really awesome, and I'm hoping that more will come of this.
So far, we've talked to a lot of people who have similar stories, and I really think that if we can all get motivated, maybe, just maybe someone will listen.
As for school, my brother came home to help us move, and as he was leaving, I gave him a hug, and he told me to not give up. I was considering it, but he's right. I can't give up. My mom is going to be okay on her own, and what I'm doing, I'm doing for the both of us.
My mom, however, is determined to help herself, and it's sort of awesome.
I mean, it's not that she's not paralyzed with depression at times, but for the most part, she's plugging along really well. She called the Governor's office, and Barbara Boxer's office. Schwartzeneger's office had someone call her back and record what happened, and Boxer's office has been in contact, wanting to also get a formal statement, and also to get her account numbers and other information. It's really awesome, and I'm hoping that more will come of this.
So far, we've talked to a lot of people who have similar stories, and I really think that if we can all get motivated, maybe, just maybe someone will listen.
As for school, my brother came home to help us move, and as he was leaving, I gave him a hug, and he told me to not give up. I was considering it, but he's right. I can't give up. My mom is going to be okay on her own, and what I'm doing, I'm doing for the both of us.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Everybody's lost but me
So, I don't...make friends...easily (read: At All). I don't have that personality that people are drawn to, or even learn to appreciate over time. I'm surly and abusive, and I have the patience of a hungry lion. Over the years, I've learned to control these emotions, and I've earned a few people in my life that I wouldn't trade for anything (um...if this relationship between my friend A and the guy she's dating works out, I'm actually going to be a bridesmaid. Someone likes me that much!) (which is shocking to me.), and I actually hung out with these people this weekend on both Saturday and Sunday. Probably to most people that's like, "Well...duh. That's what you do."
No, what I do is hang out at home, cook, watch Start Trek: TNG reruns, and feel pretty okay about it because, you know, the alternative is going out into the world where other people are, and I hate other people. Like, actual misanthropy hating of other people who aren't me. Or the few people that I've come to love.
I wish that I had opportunities to let go of my hatred. I wish that people would confirm to me every now and then that people really are basically good on the inside. Instead for every instance of love and bravery, I get about forty more of selfishness and greed.
Hanging out with my friends doesn't stop me from feeling that way. It helps me maybe not care as much about it. But, I think in all, it was good that I got out. Apparently, I'm going out again this coming Sunday. Captain Eo is back at Disneyland. I haven't seen it since I was maybe 10 or 11. It's going to be fun.
No, what I do is hang out at home, cook, watch Start Trek: TNG reruns, and feel pretty okay about it because, you know, the alternative is going out into the world where other people are, and I hate other people. Like, actual misanthropy hating of other people who aren't me. Or the few people that I've come to love.
I wish that I had opportunities to let go of my hatred. I wish that people would confirm to me every now and then that people really are basically good on the inside. Instead for every instance of love and bravery, I get about forty more of selfishness and greed.
Hanging out with my friends doesn't stop me from feeling that way. It helps me maybe not care as much about it. But, I think in all, it was good that I got out. Apparently, I'm going out again this coming Sunday. Captain Eo is back at Disneyland. I haven't seen it since I was maybe 10 or 11. It's going to be fun.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Movin' on up
So. I'm now in a "gated community" which means that if you're trying to get into my complex, and you don't have a clicker, you just sit there at the gate until someone behind you comes along with one, and you enter. Yay me!
There's a drive-thru Starbucks not ten yards from my complex. Oh, we're moving up, all right. I can tell I'm on the white-people side of the train tracks (there are actual train tracks, BTW) because I went to the Ralphs to look for greens for my guinea pigs, and the most they had was collard greens and green-leaf lettuce. Oh, the iceberg that stretched beyond imagining. The hothouse tomatoes that were piled in pyramids. No chickens feet were in the meat section, no cow tongue. I walked out and drove down to the Henry's that's about ten miles away, whereas the Ralphs is on the next block. What can I say? My boys need their dandilion greens and red chard.
As for Fanny May...well, my mom delivered her keys and was given the money that Fanny May had promised. She talked to the guy for a little while, and told him that she didn't blame him, and she knew that it was his company that was to blame. He asked her if she had been in the government-assisted program to help lower her mortgage rates, and she said yes. He nodded and said that Fanny May and other lenders have been playing along with those programs, but only for so long. Then they foreclose. They help just enough people to keep the government off their backs, and everyone else gets the shaft. He said that FM owns so many properties right now that they aren't putting in new carpeting or painting the walls. The houses sell at auction as-is, for better or worse.
Right now, we're trying to find some advocacy groups so that we can share our story, and maybe start trying to get people to take notice.
As for me...I'm getting an A in math so far this semester, though I'm way behind in my homework (hopefully I'll fix that this weekend), and I'm doing all right.
There's a drive-thru Starbucks not ten yards from my complex. Oh, we're moving up, all right. I can tell I'm on the white-people side of the train tracks (there are actual train tracks, BTW) because I went to the Ralphs to look for greens for my guinea pigs, and the most they had was collard greens and green-leaf lettuce. Oh, the iceberg that stretched beyond imagining. The hothouse tomatoes that were piled in pyramids. No chickens feet were in the meat section, no cow tongue. I walked out and drove down to the Henry's that's about ten miles away, whereas the Ralphs is on the next block. What can I say? My boys need their dandilion greens and red chard.
As for Fanny May...well, my mom delivered her keys and was given the money that Fanny May had promised. She talked to the guy for a little while, and told him that she didn't blame him, and she knew that it was his company that was to blame. He asked her if she had been in the government-assisted program to help lower her mortgage rates, and she said yes. He nodded and said that Fanny May and other lenders have been playing along with those programs, but only for so long. Then they foreclose. They help just enough people to keep the government off their backs, and everyone else gets the shaft. He said that FM owns so many properties right now that they aren't putting in new carpeting or painting the walls. The houses sell at auction as-is, for better or worse.
Right now, we're trying to find some advocacy groups so that we can share our story, and maybe start trying to get people to take notice.
As for me...I'm getting an A in math so far this semester, though I'm way behind in my homework (hopefully I'll fix that this weekend), and I'm doing all right.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Packin' it all in
So, I've found an apartment for me and my mom. I've gotten us boxes from the U-Haul place right next to our current complex. I've packed up the yellow pansy china that we never use, but are going to this time.
Fanny May is being just terrible to us. Well, I don't know if it's Fanny May the company, or just the jackhole that my mom's been dealing with. They gave us a timeline to get out, and we accepted. If we agreed to leave before the 2nd of February, we got 2,000.00, which would pay for the deposits at the apartment complex.
Well, this jackhole, Danny, decided that my mom's been "uncooperative" with him, and that he's not going to give her any money.
This is why homeowners rub feces on walls and blow up microwaves, Mortgage Companies of the world! Maybe you guys should look into what your dealers are doing!
My mom thinks he's just going to pocket the money, and I think she's probably right. She's tried calling people at Fanny May, but she just keeps getting voicemail and no one calls her back, so I guess they're sort of giving her the shaft, too. If one of your employees was stealing from you, wouldn't you want to know?
I've made out a budget for the year, and if I go twenty dollars in either direction, it could spell tragedy for me.
And I got a ticket.
On the plus side, I won't have to clean out the house that I'm vacating, because I'm leaving everything I don't want behind.
And I'm sort of tempted to smear some feces on the wall.
Fanny May is being just terrible to us. Well, I don't know if it's Fanny May the company, or just the jackhole that my mom's been dealing with. They gave us a timeline to get out, and we accepted. If we agreed to leave before the 2nd of February, we got 2,000.00, which would pay for the deposits at the apartment complex.
Well, this jackhole, Danny, decided that my mom's been "uncooperative" with him, and that he's not going to give her any money.
This is why homeowners rub feces on walls and blow up microwaves, Mortgage Companies of the world! Maybe you guys should look into what your dealers are doing!
My mom thinks he's just going to pocket the money, and I think she's probably right. She's tried calling people at Fanny May, but she just keeps getting voicemail and no one calls her back, so I guess they're sort of giving her the shaft, too. If one of your employees was stealing from you, wouldn't you want to know?
I've made out a budget for the year, and if I go twenty dollars in either direction, it could spell tragedy for me.
And I got a ticket.
On the plus side, I won't have to clean out the house that I'm vacating, because I'm leaving everything I don't want behind.
And I'm sort of tempted to smear some feces on the wall.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Falling apart at the seams
My mom has turned into one of the many, many people who have been foreclosed on in the past year. We are going to be out of our house by the 30th of January (OMG), and I'm really stressed out and upset, and I'm pretty sure she feels worse.
When I decided to go to college, I moved back home thinking I'd be secure.
Okay, now you need to probably turn away, because I'm going to start spewing forth some self pity right now, and it's not going to be cool or nice or even decent, and it's certainly sort of mean to my mom to spew this self-pity, but this is how I'm feeling.
I have a depressive disorder, and as such, I get into really dark moods a lot. I don't shut down and hide in a corner. No. I get angry. With everyone and everything. I am so angry right now, and it's been weeks since I've taken my medicine. This morning, I totally cut someone off and then fooled around with them on the road until they were as mad as me. I totally want to yell at everyone. I don't want to work. I fully acknowledge that I'm about thisclose to turning into one of the homeless people who stands outside and yells all day, because that's what I feel like doing. I suddenly have to start paying high rent again when I didn't. My plans of getting out of debt fast are being put on hold. My life is being turned upside down, and it sucks. I hate it. I took my pills so that I can make it home and to school without killing someone or just randomly ramming into a stranger's car because it might feel good.
I haven't been jogging, and I know that's got a lot to do with it. I really take out my frustrations on the field.
I just want to scream and cry and yell and get everyone as angry as I am.
When I decided to go to college, I moved back home thinking I'd be secure.
Okay, now you need to probably turn away, because I'm going to start spewing forth some self pity right now, and it's not going to be cool or nice or even decent, and it's certainly sort of mean to my mom to spew this self-pity, but this is how I'm feeling.
I have a depressive disorder, and as such, I get into really dark moods a lot. I don't shut down and hide in a corner. No. I get angry. With everyone and everything. I am so angry right now, and it's been weeks since I've taken my medicine. This morning, I totally cut someone off and then fooled around with them on the road until they were as mad as me. I totally want to yell at everyone. I don't want to work. I fully acknowledge that I'm about thisclose to turning into one of the homeless people who stands outside and yells all day, because that's what I feel like doing. I suddenly have to start paying high rent again when I didn't. My plans of getting out of debt fast are being put on hold. My life is being turned upside down, and it sucks. I hate it. I took my pills so that I can make it home and to school without killing someone or just randomly ramming into a stranger's car because it might feel good.
I haven't been jogging, and I know that's got a lot to do with it. I really take out my frustrations on the field.
I just want to scream and cry and yell and get everyone as angry as I am.
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