Monday, February 22, 2010

Everybody's lost but me

So, I don't...make friends...easily (read: At All). I don't have that personality that people are drawn to, or even learn to appreciate over time. I'm surly and abusive, and I have the patience of a hungry lion. Over the years, I've learned to control these emotions, and I've earned a few people in my life that I wouldn't trade for anything (um...if this relationship between my friend A and the guy she's dating works out, I'm actually going to be a bridesmaid. Someone likes me that much!) (which is shocking to me.), and I actually hung out with these people this weekend on both Saturday and Sunday. Probably to most people that's like, "Well...duh. That's what you do."

No, what I do is hang out at home, cook, watch Start Trek: TNG reruns, and feel pretty okay about it because, you know, the alternative is going out into the world where other people are, and I hate other people. Like, actual misanthropy hating of other people who aren't me. Or the few people that I've come to love.

I wish that I had opportunities to let go of my hatred. I wish that people would confirm to me every now and then that people really are basically good on the inside. Instead for every instance of love and bravery, I get about forty more of selfishness and greed.

Hanging out with my friends doesn't stop me from feeling that way. It helps me maybe not care as much about it. But, I think in all, it was good that I got out. Apparently, I'm going out again this coming Sunday. Captain Eo is back at Disneyland. I haven't seen it since I was maybe 10 or 11. It's going to be fun.

1 comment:

  1. Catching up on posts, since I've been in a funk for--well, weeks--and I haven't been very friendly to anyone I know.

    I think this post actually addresses another reason you and I became friends, though we only get to connect online with any kind of frequency...old friends I used to have, I've pretty much drifted away from, and making new friends is painful for me. I'm not a people-person--I like who I like, and the rest can go hang, for all I care. I hate people. I do. And doing the work I do--ha!--just reinforces my belief that the majority of people are ignorant buffoons and not worth my attention. People occasionally prove themselves to be more than the human animal, but...*sigh*...more often than not, they're just stupid.

    If you're someone I care about, I'll fight tooth and nail to protect you and give you what you need...outside those individuals? Go away--go far, far away and leave me the devil alone.

    ...on a nicer note, how was Captain Eo? I never saw it, not once.