Monday, June 4, 2012

I hate summer

When I was in school, I always hated summer. Something I found really comforting after I graduated was that I didn't have to deal with summer any more, I would just work full time.

Now that I'm in college, I hate summer again.

I'm taking a class this coming summer (starting in a few days), so maybe I'll feel differently once that starts, but since part of this blog is to help me with my therapy, I'm going to discuss why I hate summer.

I'm not sure, I guess.

Wow, that was anti-climactic.

Okay, I don't like summer because when I'm in class during the school year, I feel like I'm moving forward, but in summer, I feel like I'm stagnating. Also, I have to deal with people who are graduating onto other things, and I'm really jealous of them. I'd give just about anything to be graduating right now.

Also, every semester in college is so much fun, I really like my classes, and I always meet one or two people to be my homegirls during the class, and I miss that when summer comes. In highschool, I lived pretty close to my best friend and could walk to her house when I wanted over the summer, and then she got her car and we could drive places which was fun, and now I'm an adult with my own car and my best friend lives really close to me and I see her a lot, but it's just always different when you're in a classroom environment. I don't know what it is for me, but it's something different. I like it better when I have a class to go to. I feel like I have purpose.

Now I'm in summer, and it just seems like there are so many months ahead of me, and they're all empty.

The hardest part of having a chemical imbalance that leads to profound depression is that nothing really triggers it. You just start feeling depressed and empty, and then you feel guilty because your life is actually okay and pretty cool, you don't know why you can't just be grateful like other people.

Well, this is making me sad, so I'm going to stop, but this is how I feel in the summer. It's always harder.


  1. Hoo, boy--do you ever have a better reaction to school than I ever did. XD

    I've always hated summer because of the heat. That's all. Being out of school and away from my classmates was a boon. I could play outside, go into the woods, read books, hum (loudly), sing (off-key), and generally be myself.

    It's awesome that you handle school so well. Had I that much interest--and that perspective--I might've enjoyed it more.

  2. I totally feel your pain right now. I am going nuts now that school is out, I just finished my first 2 semesters of college at age 29/30 so we have that in common as well =)
    I am borderline depressed because I wanted to take a summer class but didn't have enough money left over from my loans to do so. Therefore, I wait. Blergh. August will come soon, won't it? Won't it?!? *weeps*

  3. I'm failing because of my stupid ass work, and my stupid ass annoying as fuck family that needs to die painffully. oh boo fucking hoo, i would not want be in your shoes. lucky fucks.