Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Not keeping up with kartrash

I was sick this week. I got hit with a really nasty sinus infection, which you know it's a horrible thing, but all of my--ahem--snot was stuck up in my head, which made me dizzy every time I stood up, and my eyes got all swollen and weird. I've been waking up feeling like someone punched me in the face all night, too. Thankfully, I got medicine (oh, these modern times we live in!) and it's helping!)...everything out. (What's grosser than gross? Post-nasal drip and that all-day nausea it can cause!)

Why do I say this?

Well, it used to be, back in the day when I had cable TV, I'd keep up with the Kartrashians when I got sick. Since I would get sick like that about every 4-6 months, there were always new episodes to watch and silently mock/judge.

(BTW, my mom always calls them the Cardassians, which as a Trekker, I find hilarious.)

This deviant artist made a more lifelike humanoid than any Kardashian ever will.

So, now all of my Kardinformation comes from EOnline, which I also point and mock at, so here's what I know:

Khloe, the only "normal" one (and by "normal", I mean, "less likely to make you want to rip your face off") is shutting off her show for a while to focus on her husband and his career, which appears to be in the toilet right now, and I can say that from this information, Khloe continues to be the only sane person on reality TV (relatively speaking).

Seriously, it's gotta be hard to drop a sure-thing paycheck in favor of concentrating on helping your husband through his tough times. Khloe is showing herself to be better than Kate Gosselin and Donald Trump in one fell swoop, and that's something. Good job, Khloe. Keep it up. Really.

Kim, the Meal Ticket in this family, is now dating KANYE WEST, YO because that's what you do after a 70+-day marriage to make people think that you have actual boundaries and standards.

Yo, Kim, I'm happy for you, and Imma let you finish, but Amber Rose was the best beard Kanye ever had of all time! Of all time!

I am happy that Kim apparently endorsed Obama for his gay marriage stance. Any woman who so totally managed to make a mockery out of heterosexual marriage has no business putting down gay marriage, so the fact that she came out in support, while irrelevant, was at lease something positive.

Kourtney, or The Other One as I like to think of her: having a baby girl. All I could think about this news was that it must have really hurt poor Khloe, who has been very open about her TTC failures. Kourtney still seems to be with the idiot hipster douchebag Scott Dick, so go her. Nice to see someone in the family can make a relationship work. Or whatever.

Last night, Kim tweeted a picture of herself and her sisters in lingerie, whoring out the seventh season of K-Trash.



Keep it Klassy, ladies!

Edit: Last night, I had to go to CVS, and while there, one of the ragmags had a headline about how Kim Kardashian is being blackballed by people like Beyoncee (of the folding baby bump that totally wasn't for publicity), who showed up to the Met Ball wearing a see-through gown (classy!), and Gwynneth Paltrow, little miss Better Than Thou Art because they think Kim is a fame whore.

So...Kim is a fame whore. But tell me, when Gwynneth posts on Goop about her outdoor wood burning stove, her cleanses, and her clean way of life, putting herself out there for everyone to read about, what is she doing? And don't tell me that Beyoncee's freakin see-through dress (so classy!) was anything other than a bid for All Of The Attention.

Yes, they are famous for not being famous while I have enjoyed some Gwynneth movies (Um...Emma? I don't think any others...), and I do like Beyoncee's music, but don't get down on someone for doing what you do. Sure, the Kardashians don't have any discernable talent and are richer than God, but life isn't fair, and that's why they are. Really.

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