Tuesday, April 3, 2012


I want a cheese danish so badly right now. I really do. I wonder if Weight Watchers makes a sort of danish? I should look into that. It wouldn't be the same, but I totally want one.

I have a lot on my plate right now, and yet I don't really. Most of what I have going on is in my head. I'm still dealing with cutting A out of my life, and then there's my stepmother, who has been blocked from seeing my Facebook status for almost a year now, and I'm thinking of unblocking her. Thinking of unblocking her makes me think of A, who had blocked me from her Facebook status, but when I asked her about it, she gave me some BS excuse about how she didn't realize it.

Yeah. I...probably need to stop thinking about it, but it's hard. I get angry with her, and I think I'm better prepared to talk about my feelings right now. Blocking me from seeing her Facebook wasn't the only lie she told, as I've said. And yet she kept acting like I was the one she had to protect herself from.

I spent so much of my life being told that my feelings and needs weren't important. I spent so much time taking the blame and responsibility for other people hurting me because I always figured it was somehow my fault. Now that I'm older and in better mental health, I try not to feel that way, but it's a hard habit to break. When she told me that I wasn't "safe" for her to be around, it made me sad at that time, but now I'm angry about it. The whole reason we were having trouble in the first place was because she was treating me badly and I called her on it, but somehow it got twisted to me hurting her when the opposite was true. I fell into the trap again and I felt guilty again for a while until I remembered.

I just really want a danish. I mean, I might be eating my emotions, but at this point I don't care. I think I need a danish.

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