A post about nothing

I know I should be posting more about Fifty Shades because I want to get it over with, but I have to re-read it at this point and make notes. I was making notes while I was reading at first, but then I had to give up because it was really breaking my concentration, so now I'm making posthumous notes on a second read. I'm not sure if my future posts will be as good because I'll have more information now, and it won't be as "real" as my previous posts, but I think I can get it funnier.

I interviewed a cat sitter last night. Chekhov consented to let the lady pet his ears and his cheeks, but watch the chin, woman. We aren't that closely acquainted yet. My bird loved her, though. Mostly because she spent her first ten minutes admiring him and saying how cute his face is. My bird is a sucker. I also predict that Chekhov will absolutely love this woman by the third day, if not before.

I read a really interesting article a week ago about children who present with psychopathic tendencies and the psychiatrists who are trying to intervene before these kids grow up to ruin people's lives. It was very thought-provoking, and it followed one family in particular who had three sons, and the eldest was the one with the presumed psychopathy. The reporter's observations were really chilling, like, the boy would get upset with his younger brother (who idolized him) about something, maybe a taken toy or taking the elder's game off of pause and affecting his score, etc., and the cold, calculating manner that the eldest would use in order to exact his revenge.

You think of kids as being more impulsive and less patient when it comes to retaliation, but this young seven-year-old boy bid his time and exacted his punishments in such a way as to try and deflect everyone from thinking he was taking revenge from the earlier infraction. When he realized that the reporter wasn't buying his act, he simply said, "As you see, I don't like my brother very much."

The worst part of the article, though, was in the comments section, when people actually started judging the parents for having more children after this one. I didn't get that. And people were liking their comments! As if it's any of their business! But it made me feel bad, because I thought that once about a family. They had six biological children, and all six had some sort of disability, including four with autism which is a statistical anomaly (Read: bullshit). My first thought was, "Munchhausen by Proxy" (probably correct) and my second thought was, "After the second, they really should have stopped. That's just wrong." Was my thought right? It feels right. It still does. That doesn't MAKE it right, but it still feels right. But I can't think that about the other parents. They have a child who will more than likely bring them heartache later in life, unless this early prevention works of course, and they deserve two kids who might actually make them happy. But what about the kids? They have to deal with an abusive older brother. How much can he hurt them? How much will their lives change because of this kid? And yet, at the end of the day, it's the parent's decision to have more.

Speaking of narcissists, my dad drunk dialed me the other day and then proceeded to tell me everything my brother has been doing since about October of last year, and no matter how much I tried to explain to him that I've actually seen and talked to my brother regularly since that time and know exactly what he's been up to, my dad just kept talking at me and telling me what was going on which was ridiculous. I mean, he called me while I was vising my brother at Christmas, and he kept getting upset that the baby was "talking" while he was trying to talk to me, so he had to know that I'd be aware of what my brother is doing! Sometimes, I get really mad at my mom for having children with him, and sometimes I get mad at God for allowing it to happen.

Anyway, that brings me to my trip that I'm about to take in a month (!!!!!!!). I have booked the plane and the rooms, now I just need to find us a car. It's my niece's first birthday! I can't wait.

Accidental movie review: Diary of a Nymphomaniac

Oh come on. We've all been there. You turn on your Roku and queue up your Netflix feed and start looking for something to watch, but because you have a raging migraine, you're not looking too hard. You see the next movie in the Girl with Dragon Tattoo series, and you're like, "Eh. The first one was...odd." It was also in Swedish, and despite your near-fluency in Deutsch, you must acknowledge that you know nothing of the Swedish language, but you think it's sort of musical and nowhere near as gutteral as Deutsch and you sort of debate about it for a minute, because you want something you can tune out pretty well in order to just relax your burning, throbbing eyes and foreign languages with subtitles sort of counteract that plan, but you decide, "What the heck" and queue Girl with Hornet's Nest tattoo or whatever it's called anyway. Then you get up to make yourself a cup of caffeine infused Earl Grey because let's face it: this movie isn't going to make sense no matter how much of it you watch, where you come in on it, or what language it's being spoken in. You also know it's going to be completely horrible, and you wish that the filmmakers had just stuck with the original title of "Men Who Hate Women," but even that does not fully encompass the horror that is Girl With Dragon Tattoo where surprise!buttsex was not even the worst thing that happened. Twice.

Imagine your surprise when you look up from the kitchen and see some gorgeous thing with a great rack pulling off the reverse cowgirl on some guy in what appears to be a completely mutual dalliance. Completely mutual being surprising as you're pretty sure that "completely mutual" is not a phrase in Stieg Larsson's arsenal. I'm pretty sure that Stieg is one of those feminists who is absolutely convinced that there can be no such thing as mutual consent, and that all sex is rape because men have been in charge of the world for so long that it's impossible for them to have equal relations with women. Sorry, wymmyn. Stieg can't even make same-sex relationships equitable. He takes it one step further.

To confuse me even more, this great-racked goddess also speaks no Swedish that I am aware of. I know she doesn't, as she's speaking Spanish and I understand Spanish to a degree (except she speaks SPANISH from SPAIN, which sounds one hundred percent different than Mexican and South American Spanish and just makes me want to go to Spain and take a string of European lovers even more), but as I mentioned before, I don't speak Swedish.

So, I continued to watch the movie even though I was pretty sure it wasn't Girl With Hornets Nest Tattoo due to the fact that the lighting is pretty and flattering, and the female lead actually seemed to enjoy most of her life and sex and all. One of her lovers compared her to the horse of the East (?) Wind, who only Ishmael could tame, and then another lover tells her she has issues, and she tells her grandma that she thinks she's a nymphomaniac, and her grandma says that nymphomania is just a concept that men made up to make women feel badly about themselves for enjoying sex, and I love her grandma. Then she dies and the nymph has to make her own way and she ends up in an abusive relationship and then my Roku for some reason broke down at that point and I figured it was for the best and went back to bed anyway.

It was still better than Stieg Larsson's "Men Who Can't Stop Beating The Will To Live Out Of Women."