The Meat Market

So, summer's here and I'm thinking of dusting off my online dating profile and updating my pictures, etc. Except I'm not happy with how I'm looking right now since I gained weight lately (like, a lot--maybe 15lbs.). Still, this happens. Especially when stress is introduced into your life.

Still, online dating is really...well, it's just such a horrible thing. It's great, but it's horrible.

I asked a friend one day why there are no self-help books for men on dating sites and she was like, "Would men read one?"

I don't know, but a lot of them need it.

Like, I'm all for specificity. I like men who can make me laugh, and a guy without a sense of humor is not what I'm looking for. I really like sarcastic, ironic, satiric humor and I very rarely run into anyone who can do this, so I'm not surprised when I find few online, and even less surprised when even fewer are interested in me. I mean, I have to be realistic here. In life, not everyone is attracted to you. But then you look at men's profiles, and...it just seems like they think they're owed the world. One profile said "I like petite, athletic women with long, blonde hair and long manicured nails." I mean, great. That's great. It's nice to know, as a taller-and-larger-than-average-woman that this guy wouldn't be interested in me. However, a) he wasn't much of a looker and he was overweight himself, which seemed really hypocritical, and b) ew. Gross. Creepy. Even if I had fit the bill, I would have turned and ran as quickly as possible. Is it really that hard to weed through your responses and open communication with women who are physically your "type" without putting THAT on your profile?

Then there are the car pictures. I have rarely seen a profile of a guy where he's not standing in front of his car/motorcycle/truck. It doesn't matter if it's a Porsche or a Yugo, they will pose in front of it like it's a Nobel Peace Prize or something. I appreciate a guy who takes pride in ownership and keeps his car clean for our dates or whatever, but aside from that, it's really not something to get that tripped up about. It's a car.

Then there are the guys who email you one-to-two-word emails.

Them: Hey.

You: ...hi?...

Which can either result in another one-word answer (usually: sup?), or a misspelled tirade about how you obviously feel you're better than him, he was just trying to say hi and you just had to act like such a bitch. Jeez. What's wrong with you?

And then you report them and have them blocked and it's a hassle because then they just create a profile under another name and try the same thing later.

I'm sure that men have other horror stories. I mean, some girls out there think that men are their own personal ATM's and chauffeurs and bringers of gifts. I'm sure we have pictures that make men think, "Why are they always posed X way?" or something. But I don't look at their profiles. I only see the men's profiles. And one guy said that he liked women who mentally challenged him, but he wasn't expecting a "genious." It took me a while to figure out that it wasn't an ironic spelling.

People talk about the bar scene like it's disingenuous or shallow, but then you go online and you get the exact same stupid frat boys who think they're god's gift intermixed with nerdy-and-not-that-bad-looking-but-not-that-great-either-average-is-okay-but-I'm-totally-looking-for-a-supermodel-and-will-complain-for-hours-that-women-only-want-bad-boys-and-not-nice-guys-like-me and very rarely a guy who just wants to date someone and maybe try and settle down. But you still have to weed through them all, just like you'd have to at a bar or a booze cruise or any of those other places that are looked down upon. "Oh, you met on a cruise around Balboa Island? Hmm...pick-up artist, anyone?"

So...I need to hunker down on the working out and really push myself (I'm trying to make it to a ten-minute mile) and try to handle my stress better, and then maybe I'll feel like taking pictures soon. Hopefully before June.

Jealousy

I've been surrounded by pregnant people and people with kids lately, and I'm sort of surprised how un-envious I am of their growing families. I figured that my biological clock would turn on at some point, and I'd get baby fever and then my uterus would explode out my chest and start swallowing children or something. But it's not happening to me.

What I am jealous of are people who are in relationships. I really miss male companionship and kissing and all that fun stuff that comes when you have a person in your life. I get really upset with the women I know who are getting involved with men, and the irrational part of me thinks that they did it so easily and that it's not fair. The rational part of me knows that they have struggled just like I have, but the selfish part then steps in and wonders why they got lucky and I didn't.

I should also mention that I never go anywhere or do anything any more. I have a profile on a dating site, but I haven't checked in on it since before Thanksgiving. Realistically you could point out that I'm not doing anything proactive to meet someone. Realistically, you could also shut your freakin' pie hole, sanctimonious jerk. Stop judging me.

(that was a joke.)

(not funny?)

Anyway, it's hard being alone.

There's this guy...he's good looking and nice. I like him. But I don't like him that way. Even if I did, I think my flirting button is somehow broken, and I doubt I could send him any signals even if I wanted to.

I'm sort of pathetic over here.