I need to preface this by saying that my dad did not ask me if I'm gay in order to help facilitate a coming-out for me, out of deep concern for my feelings and thoughts on the matter. No, my dad asked me because he's a narcissist who wants grandsons, and no one in the family seems to be giving them to him, and he wanted to know if he should give up on me or not.
I mean, at this point in my life, it's not like he could want anything from me other than grandchildren (specifically grandsons), right? Fathers just don't maintain relationships with their non-childbearing offspring, right?
The thing is, my dad's obsession with having a grandson rather than all the icky granddaughters he has is directly proportional to how much my brother loves his two girls. I have no idea if my dad's medieval way of thinking impacts my step-siblings much, but I know that my brother was determined to be a great father and show our dad what it means to have kids who actually love you and respect you.
The hardest part about the question is mostly that I'm not single by choice. I would love to get married and have kids--both sons and daughters--but it's just not working for me at the moment. I'm in a transitional phase in my life that I chose, but never mind about that. I'm still transitioning, and even if I were to meet a great guy, it would be a huge job to fit him into my life. I know this objectively, but in practise it's pretty difficult. I would like to be married. I would like to make some babies. I love my cat and all, but he's not a baby. He is a pretty good cuddler, though.
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I confess to having wanted a son--I confess to wanting *my brother* to have a son, just because I want to see that branch of our family (my dad's line and name) continue. Very Old-Fashioned, I know, but there's something about it that always appealed to me. Of course, I also wanted a daughter, since I grew up with a brother (and so fondly remember all the fighting and complaining and arguing and gee, why did I want one of each, again?). Besides, having one of each is so balancing--dirt, rocks, trees, crowns, tutus and muddy boots, a boy that loves purple and dancing! It's the best of everything. If I'd had two boys, I'd still be Mommy Tomboy. I'd just be painting my nails alone before convincing them to go look at bugs. If it'd been two girls, I'd be Mommy Tomboy, anyway, and having tea parties, but probably outside on the grass, with leaves for plates and muddy water in the pot.
ReplyDeleteI'm really, REALLY glad we had a son *and* a daughter (matching set FTW), since BiL is hell-bent on being a crabby old bachelor with Women Issues, so the in-laws were looking to us to provide grandchildren of either gender. No pressure. :P
That being said...WTF? You're working full-time, going to college, and doing your best to not let that dictate your entire schedule and life, but because you're not wrapped up in some guy, you're suddenly gay? That's just stupid. I know YOU know that, but I felt like saying it, anyway.
How on earth did you and your brother turn out so normal? It's Mombo, isn't it?
I want a little boy. I want to call him Austin because I used to watch a little boy called Austin, and he was awesome and wonderful and incredible. He loved dinosaurs and Godzilla, and on his tenth birthday, he wanted ten birthday cakes, and he was going to climb ten trees as big as the sky.
ReplyDeleteI wanted a nephew when Wife Of got pregnant. He was going to be Jackson. I was going to call him Jack-Jack. We had Jacqueline instead. I was disappointed for a moment. What about the transformers? What about the Legos? What about the cute little suits and onsies with dinosaurs on them? Wah! But we have JAC as wife of calls her, and she's perfect.
My dad is the only one with a problem.
My life totally needs to be wrapped up in a guy. Didn't you read Twilight? A guy is the only thing that can fill the hole in your chest!